In the world of steppin’, it’s not unusual to find many couples on the set who share a common interest in the dance. Some Steppers choose to come out together and there are those who choose to go to different venues on different days. Then there are couples with different interests; one partner likes to go out steppin’ and the other one doesn’t. I chatted with one married couple, Khalil, better known as Dramafree on the ChiStepper message board, and lovely wife Shontá (pronounced Shon-tay) Muhammad to get varying viewpoints of how to balance this kind of relationship.

Tracey Bivens: Khalil, how long have you and your wife been married?

Khalil Muhammad: We’ve been married a little over five years.

Tracey: When did you first fall in love with steppin?

Khalil: I would have to say probably … a year ago. I watched Dre and Company perform at a wedding reception, had a brief conversation with Dre, got his business card and attended his class for about three sessions. He then moved and I researched a more convenient class on the weekends which I found with L.C. Henderson’s Steppers Workshop, of which I’m still presently involved. I learned my basics and attempted to dance at The Pines. Another instructor in attendance asked me to the floor, during a busy Thursday night, and I completely, in my opinion, embarrassed myself. I would say it was “that incident” that made me appreciate steppin’, take it a little more serious and gave me the “steppin’ bug.”

I went back to the lab, trained about eight hours a week for about five months with [the] Stepper’s Workshop exclusively. I then felt confident enough to visit other steppin’ classes to test the universality of the eight-count in general and its differences to the optional six count in particular. I then adopted Silky Smooth Steppers as part of my steppin’ family on Sunday afternoons, after the Sunday classes with L.C. Over the course of time, I began to gain a better understanding of a lead, lane etiquette, position, combinations, and patience. I then sought out to dance with the more familiar ladies of the steppin’ circuit, in an effort to become more versatile in the dance and other styles and familiarity on the steppin’ circuit. Now I would have to say, I have built up confidence to dance with anyone, thanks [to] L.C., Charlette, Kenya, Opal, Monique, Dominique, LeLe, and Moe and I think I may be ready to compete. (laughing)

Shontá: Initially, I wanted to learn how to step. I was the one who wanted to go to a steppers contest and he wasn’t interested in going. I had tickets to the WLSC three years ago. My husband was really interested in learning how to step after he saw Dre perform though. He researched it and was all in. (Laughing) However, for me, the lessons were held at an inconvenient time on Saturdays. The couple of lessons that I went to did not present a passion for me. My husband kept going and going. As it relates to the dance, I appreciate what I see but I don’t really have the time or interest to pursue it and learn all of the combinations that go along with it.

Tracey: For those of our readers who don’t know, you also have a moniker on the forum page as DramaFree. Has this dance presented a “drama free” atmosphere for you thus far?

Khalil: For me personally, yes. I don’t allow myself to get caught up into the more “colorful situations” that have or may present themselves on the set.

Tracey: Khalil, was it important to have your wife buy into this steppin’ activity?

Khalil: Yes it was. We gave each other a chance to try something new. It just so happens that my schedule gave me more freedom. I would come home and try to show her what I had learned with some of the moves and etiquettes of the dance. She was very supportive and was excited for me, that I can step and fed off of my excitement. It was also important for me, for my wife, to interpret and share my experiences of steppin’.

Tracey: Shontá what are your thoughts on that?

Shontá: One of the things I notice about steppers is that that’s all they want to do in their spare time. I like to go out and do different things. I’m never at home twiddling my thumbs. I like dining out and enjoying the things that I like to participate in. I’m an active member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and a host of other activities.

Tracey: Khalil, you know that steppin’ is always thought in this community as not only being a dance but a way of life. How have you been able to reassure your wife that there would be no problem introducing this dance as a hobby and not something that would take up a lot of quality time in the relationship?

Khalil: Because I’ve maintained that steppin’ is just a hobby and it’s not my way of life. I know that there are people that step with more dedication and I appreciate that fact, they may invest more time into it for whatever reason, but it’s still at a hobby level with me. Don’t get me wrong (pausing and laughing), I do have a passion for the dance, but in no way will it interrupt the solemn fabric of my relationship with my wife. You must have a healthy balance of whatever it is you enjoy, especially if your spouse is not as involved.

Tracey: Khalil, how do you handle the advances from other women that seemingly go along with men coming out to the sets by themselves?

Khalil: With a smile (Laughing and glancing at Shontá). I guess one thing I do quite frequently is to invite my wife to the sets. She has the opportunity to turn down the invitation if she wants, but she does know where I am. But the most important thing is that my wife trusts me. We’ve known each other since high school. She’s not naïve at all, so she’s very aware of the potential things that could happen out at the sets. I’ve set my own boundaries with respect to my marriage and with respect to my wife.

Tracey: Shontá and Khalil, do your friends try to encourage you to come out with your husband to the sets a lot more to establish that he is part of a union?
Shontá: Not so much. I’ve really only had a couple of people say something about it. I have one friend who is a stepper. When she first started steppin’ her husband was the one who stepped … not her. Over time, she learned the dance and they started steppin’ together. One time we were out at a steppers venue (my friend and our husbands) and she asked me why I wasn’t steppin’ with my husband and she tried to persuade me to learn it. She thought it was so unusual that I wasn’t steppin’ with him.

Khalil: The one male friend that I consistently come out with is married as well. His wife doesn’t step either. Both of our wives have met and they share that commonality. You have to be honest and have integrity within your relationship. You have to acknowledge and recognize that having a hobby does not have to include you both. You will find that you have to respect another person’s individualism in their interests outside of the ones you both may share. I think it begins with trust in the home first and is reassured with clear communication. In my friend’s situation, if his wife wants to come out (laughing), he’s a little more enthusiastic and animated about encouraging me to bring my wife out.

Tracey: I imagine that in time, your husband will want to go to the steppin’ events that take place out-of-town. What are your thoughts on the out-of-town trips?

Shontá: Those discussions have not come up yet. If I do go on a trip and I can hang with one of the wives that do not step, then I will have someone else to hang with I guess. I’m not really sure. I’m wondering about that myself now that you mention it. (Laughing)

Tracey: If your husband were to ever join an organization that promotes this dance, do you feel that it would be best to support him in that endeavor—seeing as how there would be no dancing involved on your part?

Shontá: I would have to actually see how my role was structured. I have a lot of hobbies and interests of my own. I would consider it but being realistic, I don’t see how I would have time to play a part in a social organization if I didn’t have time to learn how to do the dance.

Tracey: For the girlfriends or wives who worry about the abundance of women hitting on their men at the steppin’ functions, what advice can you share with them to ease their nerves?

Shontá: Well, first of all … I would say that anytime you are in a significant relationship or marriage it makes a difference with how secure you are within yourself. These are things that need to be discussed early on. You should foremost be able to trust your partner. As far as wondering what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with ... you will run yourself crazy. If you have those same concerns when he’s at work for eight hours a day … something is definitely wrong. Discuss your insecurities with your husband or boyfriend. These crucial conversations are necessary when you are trying to find out what they are saying to these women who proposition them. Ask them are they wearing their ring at the sets? Are they telling people that they’re married? After you get clarification and you have an understanding, you might want to get involved with some extra activities of your own. This (steppin’) is my husband’s hobby. I play tennis, golf, appreciate the cultural arts, etc. I’m out doing things I enjoy, if my husband is out steppin’. I know that my husband is a secure man as well and that’s what keeps us going.

Vote Result

Score: 10.0, Votes: 3