Chistepper receives a lot of requests from its readers to explore relationships in the steppin' world. As a rule, many men and women shy away from getting involved with people on the set for fear of the relationship being exploited in the public eye. Others look at dating on the steppin' scene as a temporary fix to keep from dealing with things on the home front. Well, Chistepper took the opportunity to explore the relationships of a couple married couples on the scene to see what they could contribute to the view of love and steppin'. We had a round table discussion with two couples picked at random, the first being Mykel and Deon Farr from Milwaukee, who have been married for 8 years and have been steppin' together for 5 of those years. The second couple, Cheryl and Devan from Atlanta two members of True Passion Steppers, who began dating in 1995 and have been married for 5 years. This interview was anything but typical!

The Wives

Tracey: We are living in a day and age where a lot of single women come to the steppers sets looking for more than a dance. This has got to be distracting for you at times. Do you find it easier to come to the sets with your husband together or just sitting apart from one another?

Deon: We go together all the time but we hardly ever sit together. I think it’s been two times that we haven’t been together at a set in all the times we’ve gone. It really wouldn’t matter to me. He carries himself like a gentleman. If there was a problem with a woman being disrespectful … Mykel would handle it. The one time I did see something, I just disregarded it and didn’t give it any energy.

Cheryl: I don’t find it difficult at all. I get the first and last dance. I know that women outnumber the men. I don’t have a problem if I don’t get to dance with him multiple times in a night. I’m very secure about my relationship. It’s just a dance … period.

Tracey: Did you meet your husband on the set or elsewhere? Do you advocate dating on the set?

Deon: Elsewhere. We were together four years before we started steppin'. I would suggest dating on the set. Everyone tends to label what a man may do based off of what they may have experienced or someone else experienced. You can be mistreated away from the set just as easily. Everyone deserves a chance.

Cheryl: I met him at a set … on my birthday to be exact. I would say that if you find somebody in a grocery store or on the street it really doesn’t matter. If that person is for you then you both are going to succeed in your relationship. If you think you’ve found Mr. Right in the club … go for it!

Tracey: If you could change things, would you prefer going to an all couples set or leave things the way they are?

Deon: Let steppers sets stay as they are. Stay around fun and positive people. Try to surround yourself with other couples whether they are single or married. They can always feed off of the example that we try to provide.

Cheryl: I agree. Leave things the way they are. I have many friends who are married and single. I like the variety. It doesn’t bother me at all.

Tracey: What encouraging words can you share with the Chistepper readers who are contemplating dating on the scene? The “Stepperazzi” is always ready to try and tear couples down it seems.

Deon: You have to be strong as a couple and you have to be focused. Single or married. You can’t let negative people try and bring you down just because they’re miserable.

Cheryl: I would just say that the dance doesn’t define my relationship or marriage. Spending time together, loving each other and trusting each other does. Keep steppin' a hobby. We both enjoy doing it. I would encourage couples to date if this is something they’re interested in. Don’t feed into the negativity. Devan and I are best friends. We love each other. We know each other. The love in our family keeps us grounded. When Devan and I walk into a room, there’s a certain air about us being as one. You can’t pit me against my husband and vice versa…it’s not going to happen. If I’m there, he’s going to be the same way in that club than if I’m not. People already know not to come to me with any foolishness.

The Husbands

Tracey: What would you change about the negative views of relationships in the steppin' communities? Where are people going wrong?

Mykel: People have to choose which one is most important. The relationship or the dance. Steppin' will NEVER be more important than my marriage. We have stopped dancing for extended periods of time due to other priorities in our lives. My marriage and family is important and steppin' is just a hobby. If two people are talking about getting serious in this community, then they need to ask each other what is more important in each individual’s life at that particular time.

Devan: I don’t necessarily think people in the steppin' community are making relationships go bad, I think it’s what people bring into those relationships that make them bad. If people are going to do badly in relationships they’re going to do bad. Steppin' doesn’t matter.

Tracey: Does steppin' present more of a challenge when it comes to scheduling babysitters or when one of you has to decide who is going to keep a business appointment?

Mykel: Our kids come first. Neither one of us would go out if it would inconvenience the other one.

Devan: We’ve been doing this so long we’ve got this down to a science. We know we have classes to teach. We make the necessary preparations. We kind of worked it out already.

Tracey: Is it ever okay for your wives to “walk” with other men besides you?

Mykel: Because we’re learning to walk it’s okay. The guys that’s gonna ask her to walk would be considered family, like Tyk, Feo … those are my brothers. I want her to get the experience of that dance. I try to invite her into that dance for educational purposes. I, myself, make it a rule to never dance with another woman for more than three songs in a row. I am very aware of the “stepperazzi”, so I tend to be very careful. I don’t feed into people’s perceptions of what they want to see on the dance floor.

Devan: She knows not to. Just like I know not to. It’s all about respect.

Tracey: Can your wife wear anything she wants?

Mykel: Yes. She makes me secure because she carries herself like a lady. She doesn’t give off that aura like it’s okay for any man to approach her in a disrespectful manner.

Devan: You know … my wife is really conservative. I kind of pushed her to be a little bit more casual on the set. She was a classy woman before I met her so she knows how to dress.

Tracey: Is competing with your wife important to you?

Mykel: Competing is not that important to me at all. We’ve been dancing 4 or 5 years now and we have been in 3 contests together. The only problem I saw with not competing with my wife came in December when I won $1,500 in a contest and I had to split the money with the person I was dancing with instead of it all going into our household (laughing).

Devan: Not at all. I’m not one for the competitions. She likes to compete. I’m supportive of her endeavors but that’s just not me.

Tracey: What’s important to you when it comes to making a marriage (relationship) work on the set? Having trust on the set, being able to have variety in dancing or managing time on the set (i.e. coming together and leaving together)?

Mykel: Trust on the set. Being able to share the experience of dancing with my wife is important and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Devan: I agree. Trust is the most important part of a relationship anyway. Without that you have absolutely nothing. If she gets to a set before me or vice versa, I’m not worried about who has their arms on her because I trust my wife. My wife is a flight attendant. She’s gone fifty percent of the time anyway. If I didn’t have that trust, I would drive myself crazy.

Tracey: What do you think helps keep your marriage alive and exciting in addition to the social component of steppin?

Mykel: Our lives revolve around each other. We run a business together … DJing, real estate, we run a youth basketball team, we go to church … we promote, teach and travel together. During our learning process in steppin', one of my instructors, another married man of 30 years taught me how to stay focused in my marriage and at the same time enjoy the dance. I’m glad that I get to share that experience with other couples. Teaching couples how to dance takes a different approach than in teaching singles how to dance.

Devan: We love each other. It can’t get anymore simpler than that! I know what I have and I know what’s out there. I didn’t get married to cheat. Know what you wanna do, stay single for a while but if you’re ready to settle down be ready to settle down. I tell my male students that a good stepper is a magnet for getting in trouble. If you want that trouble got for it. But you have to be grounded … go for it with your eyes open!

Tracey: Okay. Let’s end this on a funny note. If you had to describe your marriage as if it were a fruit what would you describe it as?

Mykel: (Laughing) Ummm … well my wife became a stepper because of me and we teach other couples how to step, so I would have to say … a grapevine because of the extension of our personal relationship with each other, our children and other people.

Devan: (Long pause) I’m a simple person. Steppin' is secondary. Watermelon. I say watermelon because in each and every relationship you have the meat and the heart which is the sweetest part of it then you have the seeds that you have to pick through. Then there’s the rind, which holds things together. It would represent our kids and the other important things in our lives.

Tracey: Well, there you have it …strong opinions from two strong couples on marriages in the steppin community. Whatever your feelings may be about R Kelly, when he made the song “Step in the Name of Love” he might have hit the nail on the head with the whole concept of love and steppin'.

“Listen, Love brought us together,
So keep on steppin' because
Love's gonna last forever.
Clap in the name of love.
Let's step out, hit the club
DJ's rockin' that song for us,
If anybody ask, why we're steppin'
Tell them that:
We did it for love.”

- R. Kelly, Jive Records 2003

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