Ladies Real Talk Pt. 2


ChiStepper is going in with the ladies again – “Round 2”!  Check out this conversation where we talk about everything from whack a$$ parties to sweaty, bad breath men!  Here’s part deux of a series we call “Ladies Real Talk.” Enjoy!

1st question to the ladies….

“What makes a man a Great or Horrible lead?”

Pat:  Great lead is like great sex.  You don’t need to have the most moves, and you don’t have to do them all in 3.5 minutes.  Do it with us, not to us.  No need to apologize for your skill level.  And don’t neglect your hygiene. (This is Jacque Jaguar R-Hood and I approve this message Pat Clay!)

Deon:  A great lead is secure in his $hit, he knows what he’s doing and he’s leading/placing the woman where she needs to be from beginning to the end.  Weak leads usually be all over the place and just kicking their feet!

Tonya: Great lead, [gives] readable hand signals. Horrible leads do too much with the hands.   [I] don’t know if he wants an extended right or he has turrets in his hands.  (Laughing)

Qiana “Q”: Great lead is a person in tune with his partner.  Horrible lead is a person who is selfish.

Quin:  Good lead – completion in his movements, protecting his partner, dancing with her at her level.  She shouldn’t come off the floor feeling less than adequate!  Bad lead – horrible timing, forced moves, bad hand placement, snatching, yanking, jerking, retarded a$$, octopus combinations & 30 turns in one 3 minute record … REALLY!  Feel like you been in a damn heavy weight fight when you leave the floor.

Valencia “Val”:  When a man is respectful, notices your skill level then takes it up a notch, gives you strong enough signals [that] makes him a good lead.  When they are the opposite then it is horrible, especially when you know they are trying to get free feels!

Daphne:  Horrible Lead – when they can’t assess my skill level.  When they put too much force in trying to turn you.  I am new at stepping but I know it doesn’t take all that.  I would like to keep my arm!  Good Lead – They can assess my skill level.  They take you into a turn with ease and smoothness.

Melvina:  A man that is a good lead will not tug you.  He takes his time with you and makes the dance about both of us not about him.

Uneek:  A great lead is someone that really knows what the hell he’ s doing (for real). Horrible leads don’t have an f’n clue, are cocky and Steppin on my dam feet!

Crystal:  Great – A man who can accommodate his partner by HER stepping skills, smoothes it out when need be. The moves Margaret or Charnice can do, Crystal cannot and a good leader like Tyk is able to acknowledge that.  Horrible – A man who jerks and pulls his partner, or [someone] trying to execute a move he don’t even know correctly!

2nd Question:

“Give me the Good/Bad/Ugly of dating on the scene!”

Quin:  Good:  The mere FACT that IT CAN WORK!  Having someone share the joy of the dance and something you have fun doing together as a couple.  Bad/Ugly:  Everybody in your damn business, continuous watching and speculation of your actions.  Being 1 of 5 felines he’s been with and another 5 he’s secretly F—ing or trying to F—ck and vice versa right up under your nose, while some still smile in your damn face!  When it goes bad, you have to choose to either change your routine or save face and enter a room you once smiled and had a good time in under the eyes of everyone knowing your dilemma.  $hit SUCKS!

Tonya:  Good – Y’all have something in common and the chemistry is there.  Bad – the break up and then you have to find other venues to go to that he may not frequent.  Ugly – heifers always in his face, or too touchy feely and everybody in your business.

Melvina:  I never dated on the scene so I can’t give an experience but I see some of the daters and some handle their relationship well.  Then there are some that look like they have drama and it’s not a good look.

Sharon:  Meeting new people, gossip, break-ups.

Crystal:  Good – Always have a dance partner. Bad – If he’s the wandering type and trying to play with other women on the scene.  Ugly -After the breakup he lies telling people that you are crazy or trying to deface you to others.

Deon:  Never dated on the scene.  Was married before and will be married when I leave.

Pat:  Good – I’ve seen some very happy stepping marriages, so sharing a common interest can be a great thing.  Bad – love of dancing skills could feel like love of the dancer.  Dating a stepper could severely restrict your dancing/walking time with others.  Ugly – the fights (so ugly) and the reputation for being a groupie/jump off (sad).

Val:  Dating on the steppin scene is the same as any other arena, your morals and values need to come into place when knowing whether or not you are on the heavy hitters “to Do list,” or entering a real relationship.

Uneek:  There is no good. It’s for the most part BAD & UGLY! Everyone is f’n each other like a revolving door!  IJS

Qiana “Q”:  The Good – you both have the same interest. The Bad – when you break up you gotta keep seeing the person.  The Ugly – having a confrontation that is broadcasted and everyone is privy to your business! (Laughing)

Daphne:  Good – At least you know you have a partner to dance with and you don’t have to wait around for someone to ask you.  Bad – If he’s good, there’s always plenty of women in his face for a dance so you got to share your man.  Ugly – There’s always a trick (male and female) who always wants what you have, especially if they see you being treated well.

3rd Question:

“What are some sure signs of a whack a$$ party?”

Melvina:  An older crowd – boring and there are some DJ’s that play so horrible that makes the party so whack and constantly playing slow, dragging, depressing music … Ughhhhh!  If there are no good dancers!

Pat:  Whack a$$ party … let’s see … big venue/small crowd. DJs that play music out of touch with the crowd.  And finding out all of your favorite steppers went to THE OTHER SET!

Daphne:  No familiar faces. No heavy hitters there.  Too many damn people sitting around talking about everyone that comes through the door.

Tonya:  The crowd … if ain’t nobody there but “Geriotis” or “Cleophus” it’s time to bounce, not to mention who the DJ is!

Manika:  A suck a$$ DJ, no men to dance with, and not being intoxicated enough to tolerate the bull$hit!

Deon:  The DJ’s a sign for me and those bama a$$ pluggers!

Crystal:  No one on the dance floor!

Quin:  Crappy venue, notable whack a$$ DJ (all of which you can tell from the flyer).  Empty floor [and] poor atmosphere.

Val:  Signs of a whack party is usually the DJ, and if the crowd is mostly older men.  I call them ‘Geritol Sets’!

Uneek:  A whack ass person giving the party and playing an iPod!

4th Question:

“What are some reasons you would turn a dance down?”

Tonya:  I like to sit and observe and if he does too much and try to put you in every combination and spin he’s learned, it’s a sure fire chance you getting turned down.  Another is if he’s real touchy feely and know his hands supposed to be on your waist not you’re a$$!

Crystal:  I try not to, for I was once a beginner.  But if it’s someone I’ve danced with before and he JERKS and PULLS!

Quin:  I’d turn him down if he’s hurt me in a previous dance, he’s a pervert, on some BS (trying to make someone jealous) or a show boater who uses you as a tool, not a dance partner and of course, if I just don’t like his a$$!

Qiana “Q”:  Because I saw his dance with the last girl or my feet hurt!

Deon:  I never turn down a dance regardless.

Manika:  A sweaty guy with bad hygiene!

Val:  I never turn a dance down unless I have danced with him before and he is completely lost or wanting to use the dance as a reason to be in my face.

Melvina:  If I saw the guy dancing and he was bad on the dance floor (all over the place) – can’t do it!  I always try to dance when asked, but if he is all over the place and has no beat or art of the dance, it’s a NO!

Pat:  I turn down dances if I’m too sweaty.  I turn down dances if you’re too sweaty.  Sore feet might do it (ok, if Tyk or Ricky W ask and my feet are sore, I’m not gonna lie, feet will just have to suffer.)  Umm, 3rd, 4th record in a row may get turned down cuz I usually get to a set so late I have to get it in quick.  Bad breadth, body odor, noticeable intoxication probably gonna get a “no thanks” from me too.

Uneek:  Can’t dance, bad breath, sweaty hands, or if he looks like his dick is already hard can’t do it!

Daphne:  [I’ll turn you down because you can’t lead me.  You are way too aggressive with your dance.  I’ve seen you dance with someone else and YOU DOING TOO MUCH that it’s not dancing anymore its aerobics!

5th Question:

“Any advice you can give to female newbies on the scene?”

Crystal:  Stay humble and love the dance.  Don’t take it so serious. Have fun!

Uneek:  Female newbies don’t sleep with instructors! They will take your money teach you little and sleep with you then act like they don’t know you.

Pat:  My advice depends on what the new ladies want.  If the goal is to gain skills and get good dances, I recommend they work hard in class and use the new skills when they go out.  But actually GET OUT to sets, stay near the dance floor, not the bar!  Early on, go where your instructors go and dance with them (builds confidence and visibility).  Bounce back quickly from rejection (builds character and guys face it all the time).  Avoid gossip, no matter how juicy (focus on the dance)!

Qiana “Q”:  Avoid drama at all cost, and remember it’s supposed to be fun!

Deon:  Don’t give up the a$$ because you took his class!

Tonya:  Don’t get caught up in the hype, it’s just a dance and supposed to be for enjoyment.

Daphne:  Because I am still a newbie – My advice … get out more, don’t be afraid to ask for a dance.  Leave your man at home, these women are cut throat!

Manika:  Don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe, the okie doke.  Don’t fall for the bull$hit they are whispering in your ear when they are teaching you to dance!  They say that $hit to every cute big booty new chic on the scene!

Melvina:  Learn at a good pace for you.  Try to get out to dance.  The more you get out and dance the better you will be at it.  Have fun with it – mistakes will be made from time to time but that’s how we learn.  Relax and enjoy the dance, doing that will grow your dance.

Quin:  People choose this dance for different reasons.  Get what you came for…THE DANCE! Have a good time, enjoy it and try to stay away from the negative mess, vultures (men & women), and the things that create division on the scene.  Involve yourself in the POSITIVITY and HAVE FUN!

Val:  For the new ladies on the scene … my advice is learn the dance … love the dance … be careful of cliques and being wrongly tagged as a whore is you are pretty and are getting noticed by the men and your dance is progressing nicely.  Overall you have to treat the stepping scene the same as you would anything else.  Who you are will ultimately be revealed.  Stay true to yourself, not caring about the gossip that is spread about you and remember we have to come together for a dance, to have fun and enjoy ourselves.  Some have taken this thing waaayyy too personal!




  • chi

    Holding it down for the Steppin community since 2006.


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